Have you ever woken up in the middle of a dream startled not knowing what day or time it is only to realize it wasn’t a dream? Have you ever laid in a completely dark room with the worst insomnia but can’t sleep over the sound of your own breathing and heartbeat? Have you ever struggled to find a word on the tip of your tongue while your brain yells at you loudly that you should know this? Have you ever had what you thought was déjà vu of something so bad you keep hoping it’s only déjà vu and not actually happening again? Have you ever stared at the people you love asking who they are, what your birthday is, where you are and not be able to answer? Have you ever been so mad at yourself and felt so utterly helpless that the only thing you can do is cry? I have.

All of the above. Yes.

Multiple times. yes.

Unfortunately yes.

Every time I’ve had a seizure in my sleep, yes.

Luckily always only in my sleep, yes.

Thankfully never alone, YES.

August 16 2009. I was supposed to have breakfast with a friend. A quiet Sunday breakfast to catch up. Unfortunately my body was in the middle of crazy work schedule time so I was up early, checked my cell phone clock happy to catch a few more minutes to snooze. Next thing I know I’m laying in my room surrounded by a bunch of strangers (which I not so quickly realized were paramedics) with my sisters, dad and boyfriend standing at the door staring. The look on their faces is etched into memory. Sheer panic and terror. Tears streaming down my little sisters face as she carried our puppy. The next few minutes and hours are fuzzy, almost a blur. I later find out that this is just the beginning of something that happens in movies and books not real life. Except it is real and it’s mine, a brain tumor? Me?

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